I've been studying Buddhism for a while now and the concept that I have the most difficulty with is how to achieve equanimity without becoming dull.
Equanimity is defined as freedom from passion, aggression, and prejudice. Aggression and prejudice, I understand. But passion? What would my life be without passion? It's true that being too passionate about someone or something causes heartbreak when you lose them. But what passionate people will tell you is that, when it comes to love, all the pleasure is worth all the pain.
I used to think that I had achieved that state of equanimity when I would say in my last relationship, "I love you, but if we broke up tomorrow, it would be OK." The truth is, I did love him, but I was not passionate about him. I was not attached and that is why I didn’t shed a tear when it was over. Call me a love addict, but that's not my idea of love.
Love without attachment helps us to be free of suffering, but a lot of people who are in love, also love the suffering that is involved. There were those who couldn’t bear the pain and when they were heartbroken turned into hermits and ascetics. They wanted detachment from the pain and a guarantee that it will not happen to them again. An example is the Arab poet Abul Atahia. He was madly in love with a woman named Utba, but when he was unrequited, turned into one of the most notable poets of asceticism.
Unrequited love is responsible for many suicide attempts, but it is also responsible for great art, music, poems and songs.
"Love till it hurts," as Mother Theresa says. "If it does not hurt it is not real."
I think romantic love is an exception to other worldly attachments, because it is a spiritual quest rather than a materialistic one. In it, one feels a deep sense of truth, wholeness and timelessness. It is also different in that it is altruistic. It is only concerned with the happiness and well-being of the other person. Moreover, it is unconditional. It does not turn into anything other than love.
Passionate but emotionally free?
Perhaps a passionate love that is also free from suffering is when the passion is directed towards the other person’s happiness, like saying, “I love you but knowing that you are happy is what really makes me happy. I will be happy when I receive love from you, but my happiness will not depend on it.” Or when the the love is based on freedom, like saying, “Loving you does not mean that I can force you to love me. I don't have the right to control you or demand anything from you. You are free to love someone else and you are free not to love me.”
Can a person be passionate but emotionally free? Or will emotional freedom compromise the passion? I am not sure I have an answer.
I think romantic love is an exception to other worldly attachments, because it is a spiritual quest rather than a materialistic one. In it, one feels a deep sense of truth, wholeness and timelessness. It is also different in that it is altruistic. It is only concerned with the happiness and well-being of the other person. Moreover, it is unconditional. It does not turn into anything other than love.
Passionate but emotionally free?
Perhaps a passionate love that is also free from suffering is when the passion is directed towards the other person’s happiness, like saying, “I love you but knowing that you are happy is what really makes me happy. I will be happy when I receive love from you, but my happiness will not depend on it.” Or when the the love is based on freedom, like saying, “Loving you does not mean that I can force you to love me. I don't have the right to control you or demand anything from you. You are free to love someone else and you are free not to love me.”
Can a person be passionate but emotionally free? Or will emotional freedom compromise the passion? I am not sure I have an answer.
3 comments:
I found it interesting that your relationship to the word passion involved romantic love.
I think commitment is the ideal love feeling.To feel committed.
When I think of passions, I think of morals, justice, history and my family for example.
I've never thought that one could feel passionately about another person. I think they can have a passionate something or the other with another person, but can't see how you could feel passionate about a person.
Interesting ;0)
Passion drives the passionate, whether it is directed towards an object, an idea or a person. Passion, to me, is intense positive energy. Positive because it needs to be expressed constructively. A lover might turn to religion, or suicide, after a lover leaves, both are attempts at purging that energy, but one is passionate (constructive even if misplaced) while the other is the surer way to stop being passionate.
Passion, when utilized well, could be responsible for profound art. An artist, to me, is a person whose passion is tamed by his/her sensitivity to create.
To be passionless is to be a living dead. A zombie. I think that Buddhism, although I did not study it sufficiently, was a passive reaction to an actively violent world. And to be passive is to exist faintly. We are not plants, and we ought not reverse our phenomenal existence back to being a plant (vegetative state might be a dramatization, but without passion, why would we seek truth?)
I say enjoy the ride. Being in love and having passion to sizzle up the relationship is simply one of life's greatest treasure. The truth of the matter is, we can't stop ourselves from falling in love, but we will only be passionate with someone that is special ;}}
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